A coffee loving wife and mom's story lived only by the grace of God. :)
Monday, April 27, 2015
Who do you serve?
Joshua 24:14,15 KJV
Now therefore fear the Lord, and serve him in sincerity and in truth: and put away the gods which your fathers served on the other side of the flood, and in Egypt; and serve ye the Lord. And if it seem evil unto you to serve the Lord, choose you this day whom ye will serve; whether the gods which your fathers served that were on the other side of the flood, or the gods of the Amorites, in whose land ye dwell: but as for me and my house, we will serve the Lord.
I've often heard this verse referred to in the context of choose Godliness over worldliness. Who are you going to serve? The god of this world or the God of the Bible? I guess sometimes as Christians we can look at that and say, "Well of course I serve God. I don't drink, I don't listen to bad music, I don't blend in with the world." That's what I always thought.
And then the day came where God pin pointed me. He zeroed in on something I hadn't really ever thought about before. I have been dealing with a lot of insecurity, a lot of doubt, anxiety, mind trouble, discouragement, discontentment - blah blah blah you name it! Joshua would call and say he had to work yet another Sunday and I'd say, "Why God? Why are you doing this to us?" We would have trouble come up with our house and I'd say, "Why us?" I would be up all night nursing a very discontent baby and I'd cry, "Why me? I wanted this to go differently." I would be playing a song at church and completely bomb it with a clunker, "Whyyyyyyy?!?! I'm never doing this AGAIN!" I would pray and ask God to change everything, to make it all go away. I would get angry because I felt like He wasn't listening.
I'm getting on my nerves just typing that out. But that's where I was. I figured if God gave Josh a new job, if our home was perfect, if we had a different role in ministry, if my kids would stop being crazy ... then things would be better and I would be happy. I was so discontent and unhappy about everything.
Circumstances came up and the Lord began to really show me just how good I have it. I wont name every little thing, because really we'd be sitting here a long time, but God has been so good to me. In spite of whatever frustrating thing comes up, in spite of the devil having a field day with my mind, I have so much to be thankful for.
So, realizing all of this brought me to that decision, God zeroing in on that issue at hand. The only thing is, this time God wasn't asking me to choose between Him and the god of this world. He was asking me to choose between Him and me. Who exactly am I serving?
You notice all of my complaints were me, me, me, I, me, me, me, me, and a little more me! I could not see past my unhappiness about things and I was miserable. I refused to have faith in God and let Him handle the big stuff ... and just stay faithful in what He needed me to press on in. I would not let go of my problems and let Him handle it, while choosing happiness and joy in spite of it all. It was all about me, woe is me, my life is hard - WAH, WAH, WAH.
Choose discontentment and nothing ever making you happy, allowing every frustrating little detail dictate your feelings.
Choose happiness and joy, as you stand on the promises of God's Word which are forever true.
I'll admit that some days wallowing around in my sorrows might seem easier. It might seem easier to stay ticked off at the world. But are we really happy there? Are we really overcoming anything there? Are we allowing God to have the power and victory there? Is it really easier to stumble through life like that?
I'm sick and tired of myself. I am tired of trying to handle this stuff on my own and struggling, because I am so weak. I need the Lord more than ever ... and the best way for me to get past this craziness of life is to not wish it away, but to seek joy in spite of the craziness. To press on, dig my heels in, and get busy in spite of whatever comes my way.
This isn't about a job situation or not having my way. It's about my heart and where it truly is in serving Christ. The Lord has been doing a lot of heart checks on me lately and has been showing me where I have been seeing things wrong and where I need to change. He has been showing me that to be a true servant for Him, I need to set myself aside. In the home, at church, wherever I am ... I need to have less of me and more of Him.
Each day every Christian faces that decision and I believe it is what will set the tone for everything else ... serving ourselves or serving Him.
"I must decrease, He must increase." (That's our church's theme this year!)