I don't talk about having divorced parents very often. This is partly because I need to respect my parent's privacy and the decisions they make. My parents are my parents. I love them, they love me, and I know the paths they have chosen are not my fault.
But while journaling one day, I did decide to open up about the experience from my end ... as I keep theirs private. I know that having divorced parents is a challenge to deal with whether you're an adult or a child. It's painful, it's sometimes comical ... and some days it is just down right annoying.
When my parents divorced, I was 17 years old. I didn't think it would bother me, because I already had so much to think about. Graduation, boyfriends, prom, college. One thing I often heard from counselors and other well meaning folks was "It is better for you that they are not together. It has nothing to do with you." I was pretty much force fed the idea that my dad no longer living with us was a healthy idea and that I needed to move on.
I mean ... how do you ask a kid (yes, 17 is still a kid) to move on from their mom and dad not being together?
So I went a long time with this cool front that I was okay with it. I said I understood why and that I didn't care.
Freedom lies within truth, though.
I am not angry with mom and dad for their decisions, as that was a long time ago. I am not going to nitpick why it didn't work. However, I will start this little blog series with my confession:
I think it is sad that children of divorce are being told that it's okay for their parents to be divorced, that it has nothing to do with them. I know that in my case, I was made to feel wrong for even barely expressing a desire for wanting them together. There is nothing wrong with admitting it, as long as you understand that there is a good chance you won't get your wish. That doesn't matter. Being honest with yourself is the most important thing.
My heart hurts when I think about my parents not being together.
There. I said it and I am not ashamed.