I tend to panic about all of the things to do. I have a mental list of these things and they all seem to attack me all at once.
Have you noticed yet that I love lists? It's true. I adore them.
-People I need to tell about Jesus
-Staying in shape
-Random things I need to do
-A zillion other things
-Making sure I spend good time with both Joshua and Constance
And so, it may not sound like much to you. To me? It's everything. I like to have everything done and in order all at once. I flip because I realize that it's just not possible. There aren't enough hours in the day. I don't have five hands to multitask.
I also have a hard time accepting that I can't always get things done the way I want them. I have a standard set for myself - one that is much too high sometimes. I want a perfectly clean house, a clean baby, perfect hair ... that sort of thing. And it drives me crazy when it isn't that way. It has gotten so bad that I find myself in a deep depression over it. So silly! Getting depressed because of too much laundry or kinky hair?!
This is where I have to admit that I am not Supermom. I'd like to be. And I think the goal of being her is appropriate. I want to have goals and I want to achieve them. There isn't any harm in that. I just need to lay low on the heavy pressure. I pressure myself too much and I forget to enjoy things.
I can't even begin to tell you the regret I feel over the time lost because I have been fretting over silly junk and not enjoying things. It makes me quite sad to think about, but it also makes me realize just how much I need to stop pressuring and begin enjoying.
All of this is a tool of Satan to steal my joy. He's a stealer, that's what the Bible says. (Along with a killer and destroyer!) And it has been working. I haven't been bringing my petitions before Christ and truly giving them to Him. I've just been wallowing in my worries and flipping out over them. I've lost my joy because of it.
It's okay if I am not Supermom ... I just need to remind myself of that daily. I just need to be the best mom I can be. That's all.