I've got a lot on my mind today. God already knows the details and honestly, I have spent enough time talking about it. Nonetheless, my heart is heavy with burdens.
I know that coming boldly to the throne of grace is not a one time thing. We don't lay our problems at the foot of the cross and snap - they're gone and it's over. Instead, it is taking those problems to the Lord and allowing Him to get us through with His guidance and wisdom lighting the path. We may have to do it a billion times before it's all said and done. But His grace will sustain us.
With that said, there are just some things that I cannot get over or let go. It's different than holding a grudge. Grudges are hateful; they are formed from bitterness. I am just realizing that things aren't okay and I am okay with how I feel about it. I don't sugar coat, I don't let people push me around (well, I do my best; I have a long history of being the worst of pushovers), and I stand. I face the truth, even though it's painful to look at. There are some things I just can't let go, because I would be compromising what I believe and stand on to do so.
God has given me a lot of grace these past few months, because there have been moments where I have wanted to explode. I've got a horrible temper and there have been times where I have been tempted to "fly off the handle." However, God wants me to follow His will, not my heart or my flesh. & While my decisions haven't always been in agreement with what I know He'd have me do, as I sometimes make the mistake of following my heart, I do know that His way is always best. I've just got to trust that and keep following.
I'm not giving up. I need to keep praying and keep taking these burdens to the throne of grace. Or as it says in 1 Thessalonians, pray without ceasing. If I don't, I'll just go crazy with worry and fear. I'll get bitter. I'll make poor decisions that ruin my testimony.
Walking in His grace, you know?
I need Him.
Let us therefore come boldly to the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy, and find grace to help in time of need. - Hebrews 4:16