A: Six weeks away.
When people ask how far along I am now, I tell them this. It feels good to know I am almost at the finish line, because for so long I have thought these days would never come. I can't lie, though. It is a pretty overwhelming feeling to know that in six weeks or sooner (if she decides to come early), I'll have a little girl. Our little family of two will become three. Everything we have been planning for, praying for, dreaming about; it's all going to be a reality. She's already taking space in the physical sense, as her little Minnie & Mickey Mouse high chair has found it's proper place in the kitchen. & Her swing from Grandma Jeannie is in the living room. Her little nursery is almost completely junk free, looking like a little girl's paradise. It's hard to believe there will be a little person that will be filling in these little places, wearing these clothes, and making her own mark on the world. & It's going to be more than just a cute little girl we have to feed and clean up after. She is going to bring so many emotions, responsibilities, and feelings along with her. I am pretty overwhelmed by all of that.
Yesterday Josh's six year old sister sang in the Junior Choir at church for the first time and I thought it was so precious. I told her that when she does things like that, Jesus smiles big and proud. I believe it's really important to teach kids at an early age that serving God and doing things for Him is a good thing, that they should want to please Him. My eyes welled up with tears as I said that, because I know there will come a day where I say that to my little girl. Actually, I'll say it to her quite often. & It reaffirms that responsibility that I will now have as a parent, to show Constance who Jesus is. When she comes to know Him as her Saviour, my responsibility will then change to showing her how to serve in His ministry. My heart fills with such joy and love with just the thought of that. God has an amazing plan for my little baby girl and she's not even here yet. It's up to Josh and I to show her how to fulfill it. I believe this is why parenthood is the highest calling, because we're teaching the next generation. & We stand accountable as to how we do it.
I am also at that point where I want to savour every little moment with Josh. Six weeks feels like a deadline, like we wont have any time together once she's here. I know that isn't true, but fact is that things will change. We wont be able to get up in the middle of the night and go to Walmart if we feel like it. & We wont be able to spend time together for hours uninterrupted. We wont be able to just pick up and go as we please, as we'll have to get Constance ready as well. This is where those lessons I learned about upkeep in marriage are going to be most needed. We're going to have to push through and find ways with one another. I just have a problem with change. I resist it by all means. & Yet we're about to endure one of the biggest that we'll ever experience. I know the only way we're going to stand strong through it is to stand with God, who I believe will give us grace to endure if we ask.
Lastly, I am sad that soon I wont be pregnant anymore. I have really enjoyed being pregnant. The only thing that has really been complete poo is the weight gain, as I have always had a hard time with self image. But even that has changed, because I've realized the numbers on the scale or what I see in the mirror shouldn't define my happiness. (Wow.) I just really love being pregnant for so many reasons. One of them is that she is completely mine. She's all curled up in my belly, I am the only person she really knows, and we have our own thing going. Once she's born, I know everyone is going to want to hold her and fawn over her. & There is a part of me that is excited about that. I want other people to love my baby and think she's amazing. But honestly, I think I am going to get a tad jealous. Well unless it's her Daddy. I know I am going to miss the feeling of knowing she's totally fine in here, she's all mine, and that she's safe. I guess every Momma goes through that though, don't they? Our babies getting out on their own a little and all of the changes it brings; it's scary. I am sure this is a feeling I will have to get used to.
Constance Elizabeth is coming soon. & I am pretty overwhelmed by all of the new emotions I am feeling and the reality of it all. But, all in all, I am still excited. I am still ready when she's ready. Well, as ready as you can be. I know there is no guaranteed preparation for this! & I am going to stay strong, walking in God's grace.