My little sweet girl is rolling around in my tummy from side to side right now. It used to be that I only really felt her in the morning or at night, but now it seems like she goes all day. They say babies sleep in the womb 12-14 hours a day, but I just don't see where she finds the time. Maybe she takes little power naps and then gets going again! Pregnancy is such a mystery. A scary one in the beginning, because you have no idea if the baby is okay or if there really even is one. And then it turns into this amazing experience where you have a little person growing inside of you. I've seen her on ultrasound, but I know that doesn't do my precious girl justice! I wonder about her personality, her facial features, whether or not she'll have Daddy's dark hair, or whether or not she'll be super stubborn like me. It's like Christmas Eve on hold for eight or so months. I cannot wait to meet this precious little sweetheart.
I asked Josh what he's going to say to Constance when he first meets her. I can't wait to see that moment. He'll be the first one out of the two of us to hold her, I'm sure. He says he can't wait to touch her little nose and kiss her forehead, which he plans will be a given first thing. He wants to tell her that he loves her and that Jesus loves her. Most importantly, he's going to tell her on their first meeting that he wants her to be saved. I know, she'll just be a baby and she wont have a clue what we're telling her. However, we really want this girl to be raised in a solid and stable Christian environment. We want her to learn about God at a young age and eventually make the decision herself to accept Him as her Saviour. Josh and I have often discussed how our early memories of church and learning about the Bible are some of our most precious. I want her to have that too.
This kind of gets into my calling as a mother. I want Constance to reach for the stars and dream big. I want her to try a million different cool things. I want her to explore her imagination through books which are already piling up in the nursery. I want her to make good grades and enjoy school (I know, it's a stretch) so she doesn't make the same academic mistakes her Daddy and I did. I want her to have great girl friends she can invite over for sleepovers. I want to dress her up in little old fashioned frilly dresses and bonnets. I want her to find her niche in life; like Daddy found fishing and cars and like I found 80s movies and weird music. However, more than anything in the entire world, I want her to know Christ. I know that along with nurturing and encouraging her, setting good examples and praying for her is my true calling as her Mom. I want to know that someday, my entire family will be in Heaven with me. I want her to know she is a creation in Christ; fearfully and wonderfully made. I want her to know that true love really does wait and that kisses are golden, so save it for the one who is worth it. I want her to know that God is preparing a man for her to marry one day; a prince like Daddy to whisk her off of her feet. I want her to know that Jesus loves her and has loved her long before I ever even knew of her. I want her to learn the importance of modesty. I want her to learn about being a Godly woman. Most importantly, I want her to learn that she, like everyone else, has fallen short of the glory of God and needs Him to save her. & Her salvation is our greatest prayer. I cannot imagine the pain of a parent whose child is not saved and I know that I could easily be in that situation as well. This is why we are already praying, already asking God to prepare this little girl for the life ahead of her. She's going to do big things and we realize that. However, the biggest ought to be the moment she accepts Christ as her Lord and Saviour. I'll always be proud of my little sweets, but on that day, I'll be especially proud. & I'll be relieved.
Three more months. That's what I keep thinking in my head. It's sort of a ticking clock; a part of me is really fearing the unknown. However, I know God has given her to us for a great reason. I'm just praying for as much preparation and grace as He'll possibly give!