It has been a very interesting time in my life, to say the least! The last 6 years I have lived in a very sheltered little bubble, which I am in fact grateful for. When I got saved, I was already married to a preacher's kid who had the foundation of being in church every time the doors were open, so there was no question about it. The Lord spent that time through various experiences giving me a desire and burden to serve in the ministry, in any capacity He chose. I remember the first time the Lord dealt with me about shaking people's hands and greeting them, a job that may seem small but from experience I know is important. The Lord gave me a desire to see my husband answer the call to preach and for two years or more I kept it a secret, determined not to have a wifey called preacher in the house. The Lord gave me the tools and ability to learn how to play the piano, even though I never thought in a million years I could do it. I guess you could say between these few experiences with the ministry and what I've learned from God's Word, I got to a place where I wasn't challenged anymore. Not that I had arrived at some kind of pinnacle or anything. I guess I just thought I knew everything I needed to know. God had answered my prayers, He had done a huge work in our home, and we were waiting to see what happened next. Sometimes when you're there, you get really comfortable and you slide into a little rut.
These past few months have been anything but a rut. Some things that I thought existed in my little bubble weren't really quite what they seemed. I feel like maybe my eyes have opened to a bigger world and more things that I was not aware of before. My need for God has increased, not that it was never there, but I'm more aware of how I desperately need Him. I am more aware of how little I know. I got knocked off of my high horse and realized I needed to take time, much time, to sit under my elders and really glean some wisdom from them. My dreams and my plans are still so much the desire of my heart, but they are all kinda being tossed into thin air as I trust that the Lord will bring what He chooses to pass.
It's hard because I think I would like things to go back to when they were easy. However, I already see how blind I was and how mistaken I was about a few things. Sometimes the Lord allows us to go through hardship to strengthen and build us for a future plan. He also uses these experiences to protect us from greater harm. I've known that and have always said that to others, but that is definitely becoming a more personal concept to me. I have to trust wherever God has us is exactly in the center of His will. My father in law says sometimes, "Has it ever occurred to you that nothing has ever occurred to God?" That's so very true. God knows exactly where I am and where I am headed. And although, like a child, I might throw a fit and say I want to be done with the whole thing ... I know if it's where He wants me, I'm where I need to be.
The best thing to do now is to get busy. Get busy learning, get busy watching, get busy praying, get busy doing whatever needs to be done. And most importantly ... the best thing to do is rest in the Lord and wait for Him to bring whatever His will is to pass.
As I posted on my Facebook page yesterday, I would rather be here than where I used to be or where could have wound up. Without Jesus and being in the center of His will, I'm afraid to even imagine where I would be. I was just a 19 year old kid when I accepted Christ, but I was already miserable and hopeless even then. Thankfully, I am here, under the wing of my Savior, and I am safe. Life might seem crazy and I might feel like I am going to lose my mind some days, but I'm right where He wants me.