This past year has been rough. There's really no good way to describe it other than I lost most of my desire to do anything for God. Going to church was done out of duty, simply because I knew that's where I needed to be. My heart while I was there? I was thinking about what I was doing after service, thinking about things I was afraid of ... anything kept my mind off of serving God. I struggled, because I knew I didn't like where I was. I knew there had been a better time. It was a very awkward place to be, because I almost believed that was just a change I was going through and it would always be that way. I told myself I was being enlightened. I'm serious!
I let the devil get in my head and say, "ministry is just a small thing in this big ole world. What you do doesn't matter. You need to do something else."
Let me make this clear that even when I lose a desire for the things of God, He doesn't lose His desire for me. And thankfully, I got to the point where I couldn't take it anymore. I got to the point where I couldn't handle the lack of peace in our home and my unhappiness over everything. My husband went through a very similar thing and we both made a resolve to fight back, with the strength of our Savior.
It's only been a couple of months since then and I am amazed at how merciful my God is to me. He has turned things around, given us that desire back, and is also dealing with us about where He wants us to be. I feel so blessed to not have only been saved by a loving God, but also kept by Him. I'm thankful that He is willing to leave the ninety and nine sheep to come after me.
As we seek His will and confirmation as to what He wants us to do, I know that the devil is going to see an opportunity for a field day. He doesn't like our family. In fact, he's been fighting it since the day we began. He doesn't want to see us serving God, he doesn't want to see our kids getting saved ... you see where I'm going with that. However, that is no reason to sit on my hind end and just wait for him to blow me over, which is exactly the mindset I had before. God gives us the power to fight back!
With that said, I never thought that losing my desire for the things of God would ever happen to me. A year and a half ago, we were running hard (probably too hard, which could have contributed to this) and we were so confident that it would never happen to us. We just couldn't even comprehend it when it would happen to someone else. But hey, it did. It happened so slowly that we didn't even realize it, not until we started getting fed up.
Don't be fooled. This kind of thing does happen, which is why we've gotta get strengthened and armed with the power of God. And as I see God's will playing out in our lives, I know we've got to be battle ready so we don't go back there again.
1 Peter 5:8 Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the devil, as a roaring lion, walketh about, seeking whom he may devour:
Ephesians 6:10-11 Finally, my brethren, be strong in the Lord, and in the power of his might. Put on the whole armour of God, that ye may be able to stand against the wiles of the devil.