I told Joshua lastnight that I sometimes feel like I am losing my identity. I didn't necessarily mean that my identity was leaving me, but maybe I was leaving it. I get so caught up with keeping the house clean, taking care of Constance, and whatever else that I sometimes forget to smile. Or I'll forget to kiss my husband ... all.day.long.
For instance ... housework! I wake up in the morning and it just seems like I have a mountain of it to do. & That becomes my first priority. I want to get it all done and out of the way ... and I set crazy expectations for myself. And I love doing housework. That may sound weird, but I love taking care of our home and making it beautiful. However, some days I get so busy with the "lets get it done" side of things that I forget to enjoy it. I forget why I ever enjoyed it in the first place. And I end up feeling like ... ugh, folding laundry and scrubbing toilets is all I am.
Some may say this is the very reason not to be a stay at home mom especially at my young age. (20) However, I just see it as a challenge. It's just one of the many things that will come about in the adult life that we can either succumb to or overcome.
It's like some people say ... you can either get over it or get under it.
And I choose to fight back. I don't want to be some unhappy housewife that hates doing her job and takes it for granted. I don't want to be just a mom and just a wife - I want those jobs and roles that I play to be something that I love and find meaningful. & When I just stop and chill for a little while, I can feel myself beginning to.
Here's to not being so serious all of the time and just enjoying this blessing of being able to stay at home with my little girl. :)
I know exactly what you mean! And it happens at any age, trust me! It just takes time to figure out how to make it all work, and determination to make time for yourself. It isn't easy, but it is so worth it! :)
ReplyDeleteMy sister and I were talking about this the other day. I think so many can identify with what you shared today. It's a choice to shine even at home where we think no one really sees us ... but oh the seeds we are sowing! Shinning in front of your hubby and daughter has lasting impact worth every single second you have lovingly invested. You are doing an amazing job friend!
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