I wrote a while back about sexual purity and I shared my personal testimony on the matter. (You can read that here.) I feel I have come such a long way from that girl, although it was just a couple of years ago. I am ashamed of who I used to be; that's the truth. But I believe that God can use my experience and poor decisions for His glory. I hate to say it, but there are too many girls out there who are just like I was. I wish there was something I could do to prevent them from making the same decisions and feeling the way I do sometimes.
There is one little girl who I plan to share my story with, although it will be painful. I can't imagine the shame I'll feel when I tell her that I didn't wait, but it must be done. And I also have to protect her. I used to disagree with sheltering children (mainly because I was a child with major authority issues), but it isn't all bad. You can't protect them from everything, but you also shouldn't let them grow up too fast. That was me ... I grew up too fast. Knew what sex was way too soon and thought I knew how to do it ... way too soon. I pray that I can encourage my sweet Constance to not make those same decisions.
I want my little girl to stay a little girl as long as she needs to. Not in a creepy way like ... I want her to never get married or be controlling of her forever. No. I just want her to enjoy childhood. Example? When I met my sister in law, Caitlin, she was 16. She was goofy as can be ... had lots of spunk. (Still does!) I remember thinking she was so weird, because she was nothing like me at 16. She was confident, still watched Disney movies unashamed, and acted like a kid. She loved guys, but she wasn't chasing them like crazy and didn't need to be defined by one to feel okay about herself. She wasn't bogged down by boy problems or worried about whether or not she was pregnant. I told Josh she was a sheltered dork ... but I eventually began to envy that innocence about her. She was wise for her age; much different than any of the girls I had hung around with. I stopped doing all of those things way too young. I wanted to be a woman much too soon. I wanted a boyfriend and romance ... even if it meant giving myself to them. I wanted the next best thing. & She was just content with being 16 and being a kid. Phew she's gonna have an awesome wedding night, no lie.
I want that for Constance. I want her to enjoy being a kid. I want her to enjoy watching Disney movies and hanging out with her girlfriends. Or enjoying the idea of finding the right guy instead of spoiling it on about twenty. I want her to find her wisdom in the word of God ... not the world and it's foolish philosophies.
I don't want her to be anything like I was.
Or to deal with any of the consequences that I do now.
The Bible says that we should train up our children the way they should go. And it also says we will stand accountable for the way we raise them. What Constance is subjected to as a little girl ... the way she becomes a woman and who teaches her those things, I am accountable for that. Now, I can't control the kid at school who tells her what oral sex is. And I know she'll learn things on her own if she is curious enough. But what I can do something about ... I am accountable for that.
I know she's only six months old, but she's growing fast. & This Mommy thing is a big job.
Only by God's grace and wisdom ...