Saturday, December 18, 2010

In marriage ... fight back!

Well, it's super early in the morning. (As in long before I typically wake up.) My little girl is snuggled in bed and my husband is at work. I have done pretty good since Constance was born about staying in bed on mornings where he goes in four hours early, but since it's a Saturday I am having a hard time. I know I'll regret this when she is up and ready to play in the morning.
This just makes me realize just how much I have taken my time with Josh for granted since C was born. It used to just always be me and him. We'd watch movies or hang out with others, but those things were just an add on to all of the time we had together. Work was slow because of recession, so he wasn't working any overtime at all. Needless to say, we got pretty spoiled with our time together. & Now that he works so much, we fill our time together with a bunch of meaningless crap. By the time he gets home, I just need a break and escape for a while - so I let him take the baby for a little bit while we veg out and watch movies. We barely get a chance to speak to one another by the time we're ready for bed and by that point, I'm out.
This has happened to us a couple of times already in our marriage. It was scary at first, as I thought I was losing my feelings for him. However, I realized that one thing that the movies don't show you is what you're supposed to do after you fall in love and settle down. You've got to do a lot of upkeep and rearranging to keep things interesting. I think that could be the very reason why people get divorced - they fall in love and have a whirlwind romance, but once they settle into their lives - they forget to keep falling in love and keeping everything alive. Staying up later to ensure we have time together, putting off the cleaning to notice how glad I am to have him home, or ... ditching the movies we watch. That's what we're needing. We have fallen into a slump where we take each other for granted and we need to do some house cleaning. It happens from time to time and we can either keep getting too busy or we can do what we need to do in order to change it. Maybe God had a purpose by sending Josh to work on a day that was supposed to be ours. Maybe He needs me to start paying attention again instead of getting distracted by a bunch of nonsense.
My husband is my best friend and we're doing pretty wonderfully with adapting to parenthood, but we're not above letting it damage our marriage. No one is. I just don't want to be that couple who have children and quit noticing one another until they're off to college. Best thing to do here is to start praying more and cutting things out that are distractions. (Well, the things we can cut out.)
I love marriage. I love the challenge of bringing two people together and the growth that is required for them to experience harmony with one another. I get nervous for people who jump in too quickly and don't understand what's involved, because I'm afraid they'll miss the point of it all. It's not just feeling good and having romance, although that fire should never be allowed to go out. It's about working hard and fighting for something much greater. It's about pushing on when trials do come and life backs you into a corner. It's a picture of the faithfulness that God has to us - His neverending love and work for our greatest potential. He loves us despite imperfection, flaw, and even blatant rebellion. He continues working and pushing on. I love my husband despite the hard times that come and the fact that it isn't always easy. I keep fighting back against all odds.
So, we're in a slump. I'm heartsick because my guy is at work, but maybe I wouldn't feel so awful if I had paid more attention during the time we do have together. That isn't a reason to give up and throw in the towel. It's a reason to fight back.


  1. Yes! :) we do have to fight, as well as fight down those negative thoughts. I have those thoughts too, and the fact is is that it is tremendously easy to think them. One day, I had come to the realization that...well, Our husbands would lay down their life in order to save ours. I had forgotten to honor him by remembering his unconditional love for me! Just like Jesus Christ. We are the bride and our husbands are kind of like "our Savior".

  2. Um...I found you through Mommy Only Has Two Hands!Congratulations on being featured!

    Just started blogging, I don't have much yet! hehe
    but I love your post! :)


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