I love being pregnant. The only thing I don't like, the little cloud over my lovely day, is the fact that my body is changing. I know, it's obvious that pregnancy brings changes in the body. I get it. I just didn't know the kinds of things you experience during pregnancy. My feet swell at the slightest hint of being dehydrated (making an uncomfortable fit in my cute heels, which I have retired for the time being), my stomach is bloated with no baby bump to show for it yet, and I have arm fat. Worse of all, I have gained Pamela Anderson's figure. Okay, maybe that is an exaggeration, but the girls are huge! Josh says it's beautiful; he says it's so hott that I am carrying his baby and that I am just lovely. However, I look in the mirror and feel repulsive.
I really don't want to spend my pregnancy scared of what I will look like afterward or hating the way I look. I can't let my fear and insecurity get in the way of being happy over the fact that I have a little human growing inside of me! I know this is just a battle with the enemy - Satan, who seeks to kill and destroy. This is my time to be blissful and thankful for all that God has given me. Instead, I mope about having big ta-tas. Satan is a deceiver and he can use my thoughts to defeat me, to get me far away from God (and lately I have been). These are just lies from the best liar there ever was! (No, really. Satan is convincing. Why do you think we're all sinners?) I have to remember, even now when I feel like a big girl all grown up, that I am precious in God's sight and that He sees me as I truly am.
I can say this for sure: the more I have these problems, the less I am spending time with God. I've got some praying to do and definitely some casting down of imaginations. "Get thee hence, Satan", as Jesus said while being tempted.
"Submit yourselves therefore to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you."
I worked on our scrapbook today. I need to finish it by our one year anniversary, because it basically chronicles our first year of being married. =] I plan to make many more scrapbooks and to get much better at the craft. When we find out the sex of the baby, I am going to dedicate my craft time fully to their baby book. I loved looking at my baby books, so I know I will want something for our baby to look at once their older about how they were in my tummy! And other days I will just color. I love to color. I can't draw, so it's a good replacement. I hope our child can draw just as well as Josh can, but if not, we'll have a good time with really neat coloring books.
Tonight is church and I know I need it. I haven't been doing devotions or praying hardly at all and I can see the effects of it in my life. (Obviously.) God is the only one who can truly bring me peace and at this time, I really have none. I can't wait to see what He has for me tonight. A lot of people don't believe in being in church at every service and that's their thing. However, I know God always has a message for me - even if it's just a few words from the entire sermon. Tonight will be no exception.
Oh and we're making pizza afterward. :)