Dreams

This past weekend we moved Nathaniel into his own room and Joanna into Constance's room. We decided that Joanna was old enough for a toddler bed and that it was time for the boys and girls to be separated. I was sure that Nathaniel would feel left out in his own room and it seemed like he was a little at first, but now he loves it. We talked it up real big and said it was a "man's room" and he loved the idea. The girls are adjusting well to sharing a room, but Joanna is enjoying not having a crib keeping her locked up. That girl was up at 4:50am chasing the dog around the house and giggling! I had to grab her and put her in bed with me, because that was just a bit too early! Constance loves having Joanna in there with her, in spite of the age difference. She likes feeling like she is helping me take care of Joanna. So, aside from my very early wake up call this morning, it's been a fun transition!
God has really been blessing ministry wise! I had gotten very discouraged these last few months and almost kind of felt like all of our dreams and visions for the ministry were foolish and I just needed to sit back. I was dealing with some of the worst anxiety of my life (still am, but I'm managing it a little better) and I was tired of seeing people fall out of the ministry, get hurt, and everything else you see if you have been involved in it for any time at all. I was also feeling like we aren't good enough to do any of the things we desire to do and that we'd be better off to be pew warmers, offering a hand where we can, and just coast along. Funny that I had that attitude about it all, because it seemed like every time I thought that, God would give us something else to do. Little did I know, He was just keeping us busy so that we WOULDN'T quit.
The thing is: we aren't good enough for any of the things God has blessed us with. We aren't good enough to be saved and on our way to Heaven. It's because of what Jesus did for us at Calvary that we can claim the blood and His righteousness. We are just sinners that made really dumb decisions as young people and yet, God picked us out and said, "I've got a plan for y'all." (I'm not a Calvinist, but I do believe God has a special plan for every person if they just accept Him.) He pulled us out of the miry clay and changed our lives and our home! God will begin to deal with us about things that He wants to do and I'll think, "No, we can't. We aren't like all of these other people. We are just country Josh and the crazy brained wife." And yet, God hasn't taken the desire from us. Just like when I prayed for God to take away the desire for Joshua to preach if it wasn't His will, I've asked to take away other desires we have had if it isn't what He wants. It seems like just the opposite is happening.
Our pastor and his family were out of town yesterday, so it was on us to make sure the service ran properly and my husband also preached. It was our first little glimpse of what our pastor does ... getting just the tips of our toes wet. His job is a 24/7 job, so it would be unfair to say that having the responsibility on Sunday is the same as what he does. However, it was so much fun! It was also a good opportunity for us to get to know the church a little better, as we haven't even been at this church for a year. I played piano for the choir and felt much anxiety about not being even close to the pianist that our pastor's wife is, but I felt like I was able to connect with the choir in a different way by playing for them, following them, and them trusting me to play along with them. It was a sweet service all around and the Lord really met with His people. I was beat by the time we had our evening service, but it was a great day. And I felt like God used the day to give me a little push and say, "Go ahead. Dream big."
I don't know what God has for us in the ministry. I don't have any clue. I wouldn't have believed it if someone had told me where we would be today this time last year, so anything can happen. However, I know God has an amazing plan. In the midst of an ever changing and darkening world, God can still do big things and bring His perfect will to pass. I'm thankful for the ability to dream. Even when those dreams are crushed God has a way of putting them back together.