Well, I think in my head I am!
I think my thought processes need to be re-trained. I have a tendency to let my imagination run wild with things ... to the point where I am thinking about doing stuff that I know I'd never do.
For instance? Say there is someone I don't like. Can't stand em. & They've got an attitude problem. So, how do I react to that in imaginary land? Smack across the face. (If you've been reading my blog for very long, you've probably read a recent post about wanting to throw people into walls.)
Let me just get this out there: I'm not violent. I don't fight. I am a peacemakin' kind of girl. I stink at being mean. In my brain, however? I've been in many a catfights and I have given quite a few choice people some kind of a witty comeback that puts them in their place. (This last bit is something I imagine, not something I do.)
One of these days my thoughts are going to get the best of me. They are going to reveal themselves in my actions. The Bible says that out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaketh. I can tell myself all that I want to that I am not a violent person ... but if I keep reacting to things the way that I do, who knows what could happen.
I could try to justify myself by saying whichever person deserves it. I know I'd regret acting that way, though. I'm a woman now; I've got a husband that deserves to be honoured and a daughter who is going to follow my foot steps. Along with that, God has a lot to say on how to deal with our enemies and brawling is not one of them. (Prov. 25:24; 1 Tim. 3:3; Tit. 3:2)
Though I've done my best to not say or do any of the things I dream about, why would I be above it? It's in my heart ... it'll come out eventually.
With that said, the Lord has been dealing with me a lot about how much time I spend in the Bible. Since Constance was born, it's been very little. I've used her needs and my housework as an excuse to put it aside. I find other things to do - like internet, blogging (ahem!), spending time with friends, or whatever else. & I can see the effects of that in my life.
The Lord has also been dealing with me about what He can do if I give Him time. This little fantasizing about beating people up thing is one of them. Having a problem like this can turn into bitterness and it will eventually show up in actions. My actions are supposed to honour God and my testimony for His sake ... and I know that acting this way just doesn't go with what He wants for my life.
So, I need to really focus on the Lord and spend some time in His Word. I believe that after salvation, study time is essential for growth. I believe it is the way to becoming more like Christ, as I believe the Word of God is the perfect voice of God. I definitely have some growing up to do in this area.
Ah, growing up is quite the learning experience. In high school, fighting was so common for the girls. I always had a friend who had a story about "tellin' someone off" that day. I guess I am just at that point in life where the girls are being separated from the women.
Walking in His grace, walking in His grace.
"Commit thy works unto the Lord, and thy thoughts shall be established." - Proverbs 16:3